All the Weigh

I'm frustrated, plain and simple.  Last year when I ran the Shamrock Half Marathon, I weighed approximately 15 pounds less than I weigh right now.  I lost 10 pounds in the previous 6 months before the half marathon, and a lot of it had to do with training for the race.  (The other part of it had to do with stress and working in a gigantic building.)

And I keep thinking, "What happened?! Did I really let myself go?!"

Well, what happened was, I got fat and happy.  What happened was, I found great friends, and a wonderful man who wanted to hang out and go out to eat.  What happened was, I wasn't making sad, pathetic microwave/toaster oven dinners for one anymore.  What happened was I stopped being so stinking depressed, too.  And if you really want to get technical, my metabolism put on the brakes after the race loooong before my appetite did.  (There was also that little 30th birthday in there, which makes most people go, "ooooooooh" like they are in mourning for me already.)  So there you go, fat and happy.

Now I'm looking at myself, and it makes me depressed all over again.  No, I'm not obese.  I doubt people can even tell.  But I can tell.  I can see jiggles in places I've never seen, and I have trouble with clothing that I've never had before.  I can see the entire box of pants and work clothes that I can no longer wear.  And I miss them.

Yes, I like my body most of the time.  I like certain things about myself.  I'm a chubby and muscular girl by nature, and that will never change.  Nor do I want it to.  I just want to be happy with the way I look again.  I don't mind a muffin top, but I have a whole darn muffin!  I might have a whole muffin PAN.

So I joined Weight Watchers... again.  And I'm going to try it, again.  It hasn't ever really worked for me.  Mostly because I'm a vegetarian, and things I eat have a lot of points.  (A PBnJ is 9/26 points!  And I don't like fruit!)  And I doubt I measure everything out the way I should. (Honestly, who measures their milk before they put it in cereal at 5:30am?)  And sometimes I don't turn on my computer to track my points like I should either.

But SOMETHING has got to change.  Something has to kick my butt in gear.  I need to rent Jillian Michaels for like a month, but short of that, I have to do something.  I am going to be the Maid of Honor in a wedding in August.  I need to buy my dress by April.

So here I go again.  I've already used up my 26 points for the day, and it's just passed lunch.  I doubt my dinner will consist of air, so that stinks.  BUT my 3 mile run on the treadmill will burn 7 points worth of food, so I guess that's progress.  Step by step and ounce by ounce.

Now... how many calories can I burn sewing?!